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In the ongoing series, Conversations with Singaporeans, I relay some of my more entertaining exchanges with the locals.

Wednesday morning, late for work.  I hop in a cab and am cheerfully greeted by Sam, the taxi driver.  I swear I don’t make this stuff up.

Uncle Cab Driver: Goo moning!  Where we going?

Me: SGH block 7 please.

UCD: Ok can!  How long you living here?  You like Singapore?  Where you from?

Me: America.

UCD: Ahhh Americaa.  You boyfriend living here?

Me: No. No boyfriend.

UCD: Ahhh Americaa.  You boyfriend living in America?

Me: No. No boyfriend.  Single.

UCD: Animated. No boyfriend?  You so preteey lah!  You not have boyfriend you working too hard lah.  I sink you need find Ay-si-yan boyfriend.

Me: Incredibly amused. Oh yeah?  Asian boyfriend?  From where?

UCDThoughtful. You know Japan?

Me:  I need a Japanese boyfriend?

UCD:  Tsk. No lah!  Japanese too manpower.  They controlly the girl.

Me:  Ok no Japanese.  What about Indian?

UCD:  INDIAN?!?

MeTaken aback. Oh, ok…no Indian?

UCD:  Oh I not know Indian.  Deep in thought. Better you marry Chinese. Chinese okay. You parents very young?

Me:  My parents are in their [insert my parent’s age here].

UCD:  Yes very young.  You make childrens here bring back to Americaa to your parents.  First find boyfriend. You working hard make moneey?

Me: Working very hard.  First make money, then find boyfriend.

UCDAghast. Ohhh nooo lah!!  You so preteey you not need moneey. Swinging hands. You know tiger?

Me: Confused.  Where is this going? Tiger?  Like year of the tiger?

UCD: Still swinging hands. Yes! Also crazy this Tiger he do golf.  I not understand.  Boy also like.  Girl also like.  Everybody like Tiger.  He have money get crazy.  Boy also like. Girl also like. Tsk tsk tsk.

Me: Pondering this . Hmm. Oh! Turn right here please.

UCD:  What about your countrymen?  You like?

Me:  Americans?  Yes I like.

UCD: Laughing. Ohh not so good lah.  American mens not very generous.  Not taking care of you.  Singaporean better.  Tomorrow you call taxi I pick you up we get married!

Later in the morning I told G about my taxi ride with Sam and she burst into giggles.  Her mocking response?  “Why you not say yes, lah? Everyday you have chauffeur!  …Wait. He good looking?”

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