Step 1: Book a flight to Bali. This should be sufficient. If not, continue to step 2.

Step 2: Find a villa in Seminyak. Ideally it will have a private pool and someone will come to make you breakfast in the morning. It will be cheap because you will have followed my advice on how to book a trip in SE Asia (see here).

Step 3: Capture your joy on film. If you need to pinch yourself, it’s okay.

Step 4: Rent a moto in Candidasa and start driving in the direction of nowhere. When you stop for gas and a Balinese man asks you if you are going to White Sand Beach, just tell him yes.

Step 5: Then figure out how to get to White Sand Beach. You’ll probably drive around lost for a few hours, and local ladies will point and laugh at you, but it’s worth it because the beach looks something like this:

Step 6: Find a little shack where someone will grill you fresh fish in spicy Balinese sauce. Eat it all and wash down with Pineapple juice.

Step 7: Afterwards take a walk in the sunset to digest the fish. This will all feel surreal, but that’s okay -just embrace it. You’ve now achieved happiness.

[If you’ve followed each step as directed, you might be SO happy that you’ll be able to walk on water (see above)].

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