Man vs. Orangutan? My money’s on the orangutan. Here’s why…

You can’t see Orangutans in the wild anywhere in the world except in Borneo and Sumatra (Indonesia) so J and I took advantage of our location and went to the Semengoh Wildlife Rehabilitation Centre right outside of Kuching, where you can see orangutans rehabilitated back into the wild. Outside of the centre they’re facing extinction due to habitat destruction and “human disruption.”

While I appreciated the unique opportunity to see the orangutans – I must admit I spend the better part of my morning observing the far less intelligent species: the homo sapien. No, I’ll reclassify: the homo stultus (subspecies: touristus).

Folks – when the park guide stops you before you enter the sanctuary (read: not a zoo, there are NO fences here) and gives you the following information:

  • Remain quiet at all times.
  • The orangutans like bags because they know they carry food.
  • Do NOT eat or drink in front of the orangutans.
  • A man went to the hospital on Friday because he tried to fight an orangutan for his bag.
  • If your baby starts to cry – “run” it out of the feeding area.
  • If an orangutan is chasing you, run into an open area.
  • Do not back into a corner. Also – do not freeze. They know you are not a statue.

take heed. J and I were properly scared, but it seemed the park ranger failed to effectively communicate his message to the 30 other fools in the group.

Exhibit A: Observe the homo stultus touristus in his natural habitat – communicating to his mate via mobile phone (ringtone: horrific) while his offspring clanks around the wooden planks in her turquoise kitten heels. To his left, a female homo stultus touristus feeds her offspring apple juice from her Louis Vuitton purse while behind him an asinine woman weakly pleads with her screaming infant homo stultus to “shhh.”

I was half hoping the Orangutans would sweep up some children and take them back into the wild. They probably have better parenting skills…

J and I high-tailed it out of the park before something crazy went down.

Bottom line: Don’t bring your baby to see WILD APES.

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