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General elections are on Saturday here, and while I’m too terrified to make any kind of political commentary, I will say that some recent headlines concerning the People’s Action Party are killing me (a la 12-year-old-boy-in-health-class style).

Pap smears…tee hee!

If you’re following the elections you probably already know that the PAP has a totally awesome superhero logo and trucks with loudspeakers that blast “messages” all over the city.  It’s like the Captain Planet of political elections.

And the Democratic party has a star trek logo. Umm… SWEET.

I can’t help but wonder how we got stuck with a donkey and an elephant. Lame, Americans, lame. Let’s get that donkey a cape or something.

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What should we really take away from this latest and greatest in public health posters?

Clearly the construction worker should not be sitting next to a man with his head on fire. And if you have a saw and/or flower pot spliting your brain open, it might not be the best time to read a first aid pamphlet.

 

Below, for your Thursday morning amusement, descriptions of the symbols you will find at Unversal Studios, Singapore.

My personal favorite is the illustration for what happens if you are a guest who has “medical conditions that would be aggravated by strobe effects.” Brilliant.

Reminding guests to remove prosthetic limbs? What percentage of USS visitors have prosthetic limbs? Enough to warrant a symbol (rather than a statement)? What exactly happens on a ride where you would need to take off your leg?

Man, the MRT ads are on FIRE this month!

Lao Fo Ye can! Singlish al palo, baby.

At this point my MRT ride wouldn’t be complete without instructions on how to behave on public transportation (aka: love my ride). Now the Burger King chicken is getting in on the action:

I understand the first reference: don’t pretend to sleep so you don’t have to give up your seat to someone who really needs it. Second one is obvious too: don’t lean against the pole and block other people from holding on. Third one? Well, it’s a bit strange, but loud music and smelly farts are equally unpleasant.

But what in the world is the last quote? “Chicken say, commitment is for those without options.”

Seriously, I can’t even think of a witty comment. I’m too confused…

Jacob: “This must be the worst place in the world.  Except for the lactose-intolerant and those with bad allergies.”

Well, at least J seems to know what’s up.  I was a little lost in translation.

Someday I’m going to make a big book of all the absurd signs I see in Singapore.  I’ll call it “Chew Before You Swallow” or “After You Move Your Left Foot, You Should Move the One on the Right.”  Chapter 1 – How to wipe your ass.

Step 1: Find the toilet. The folks at NUS would appreciate if you didn’t pee on the wall, but rather that you made your way to a designated bathroom.

Step 2: Use the actual toilet. That’s right – if you successfully navigate your way to the toilet, make sure you pee IN the toilet.

Step 3:  Use toilet paper. If possible, please time your visit to the toilet in conjunction with the official Time Table of Toilet Rolls.  When you are finished with the toilet paper don’t eat it, don’t sniff it, don’t hang it on the walls.  Place it in the ‘rubbish bin’.

Step 4: Wash your hands.  Not your feet. Unless you failed to adhere to step two.  And then you should definitely wash your feet.

Chapter 2 is forthcoming…

…try not to jump in front of the train, please.

I’m re-posting E’s blog about the MRT PSA below, because I just can’t get over how ridiculous it is.  I think it might even top the PCK “don’t play play” campaign.

I’m not sure what’s worse:  HAVING a public service announcement for nose-picking, or NEEDING a public service announcement for nose-picking.

And lest you forget, while the consequences of picking your nose are not quite as severe as doing some graffiti work in the subway (5 months jail + 3 strokes of the cane…seriously??), there is a price to pay defiling this spotless city!   Just watch the NEA video campaign:

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